As part of my continuing effort to develop credentials as an environmental journalist, I offer you this sensational breaking world exclusive. (Previous EJ article
It’s the perfect solution to everything. It’s said to represent the keenest investment ever in the future of personkind ever conceived. It will at once solve the climate change problem, provide a virtually unlimited natural energy source, relieve over-population, create jobs and boost economic growth, stimulate futuristic research and development, and initiate a new age of political prosperity and world peace.
I’m serious. It’s really really scientific. All we need to do is spit the Earth, right down the middle.
CO2 driven climate change: No problem. If you divide the Earth in half, you basically get two planets. There’s twice the space for the CO2, thus lowering its concentration to half what it is now.
Unlimited energy: The inner core of the Earth is really really hot and would be exposed. Heat is energy. Around the edges where it’s not so hot, wind farms can be created.
Relieve over-population: There are two hole extra surfaces. Where it’s not too hot and there aren’t wind farms, people can settle.
Jobs and economic growth: Spitting the Earth in two will be the largest public works project ever conceived. Scientists, engineers, workers, factories – everyone will benefit.
R&D: It’s a sophisticated task to begin with, requiring much research and engineering development to accomplish. Besides that, people will want to visit one another on the two planets. Thus, there will be a need for space travel to become routine.
Political prosperity and world peace: Basic to climate science theory, is that every instance of poverty is the result of someone else’s prosperity. Some continents are less well off because other continents are better off. Splitting the Earth so that poorer countries end up on one planet and wealthier countries on another gives poorer countries independence that will allow them to prosper. It will finally give them a chance, once and for all, to demonstrate how well dictatorships, military juntas, pure socialism, and radical Islamic fundamentalism can work. They just need their own planet to complete their work without interference.
It’s rumored that the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) and the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) are jointly establishing a new working committee to provide details of the plan and steer its implementation – an Intergovernmental Panel on Earth Splitting (IPES).
An unnamed spokesman said; “If you think about it, ten times the world’s gross national product is a small price to pay for such a complete solution. National leaders need to get together and work out a plan to start making payments immediately. Need to be convinced? Well consider this! Al Gore has already started the paperwork to form a new institute. You have to be impressed by that.”
Greenpeace is asking for donations to battle greedy corporations that will inevitably try to get in the way. Barack Obama is pressuring the UN to allow him to chair the first IPES meeting.
And if you think I’m making it all up, be sure to give me credit for the idea when nominating me for the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize.